{"id":590,"date":"2018-01-26T14:14:46","date_gmt":"2018-01-26T12:14:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/?p=590"},"modified":"2018-01-30T18:19:30","modified_gmt":"2018-01-30T16:19:30","slug":"iliskilerde-almamiz-gerektigine-inandigimiz-seyi-almadigimizda-neler-oluyor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/?p=590","title":{"rendered":"\u0130li\u015fkilerde almam\u0131z gerekti\u011fine inand\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z \u015feyi almad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda neler oluyor?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Yaz\u0131: Krishnananda<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bug\u00fcn ili\u015fkilerinde, Matthew Alexandra’n\u0131n onu hayat\u0131na almad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ya da Matthew’un istedi\u011fi kadar a\u00e7\u0131k ve \u015feffaf olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hissediyordu. Buna kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k Alexandra ele\u015ftirildi\u011fini, yarg\u0131land\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ve farkl\u0131 olmas\u0131n\u0131n beklendi\u011fini hissediyordu. Yaralar\u0131 \u00e7ok farkl\u0131 \u015fekillerde ortaya \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yordu. Matthew\u00a0\u00a0s\u00fcrekli daha yak\u0131n olmak istiyor ve Alexandra’n\u0131n ona verebildikleriyle tatmin olmuyordu. Alexandra Matthew’un kendi alan\u0131na girdi\u011fini hissediyor ve onu oldu\u011fu gibi, s\u00fcrekli \u015fikayet edip ondan daha fazlas\u0131n\u0131 olmas\u0131n\u0131 istemeden kabul edip sevemedi\u011fi i\u00e7in \u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcyordu.Her ikisi de, mutlu olmak i\u00e7in kar\u015f\u0131 taraf\u0131n de\u011fi\u015fmesi gerekti\u011fi hissine kap\u0131lm\u0131\u015f ve kaybolmu\u015ftu.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bu \u00f6rnek, ilk cicim aylar\u0131 sona erdi\u011finde ili\u015fkilerimizin nas\u0131l \u015fekil ald\u0131\u011f\u0131na dair bir \u00f6rnektir. \u0130ki insan bir s\u00fcre birlikte oldu\u011funda, yaralar\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7ak\u0131\u015fmas\u0131 ka\u00e7\u0131n\u0131lmazd\u0131r. Zaten birbirlerini bulmalar\u0131n\u0131n sebeplerinden biri budur! Bir insan\u0131n ihmal edilme, terk edilme ve \u00f6zlemini duydu\u011fu sevgiyi,\u00a0ilgiyi, yo\u011funlu\u011fu veya \u015fefkati alamama hassasiyeti, bir di\u011ferinin talep edilme, verdikleri konusunda yeterli oldu\u011funu hissetmeme ve yeterince iyi, sevgi dolu veya ilgili de\u011filmi\u015f gibi hissetme hassasiyetleriyle kolayl\u0131kla \u00e7ak\u0131\u015fabilir. Biz buna “yaralar\u0131n \u00e7arp\u0131\u015fmas\u0131” ad\u0131n\u0131 veririz.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Her iki vakada da, bu durum bize tetiklenen yaray\u0131 tan\u0131ma, ke\u015ffetme ve hissetme f\u0131rsat\u0131 sunar. Ve bir de kar\u015f\u0131 taraf\u0131n farkl\u0131 olmas\u0131n\u0131 beklemek yerine, istedi\u011fimizi alamamam\u0131n verdi\u011fi h\u00fczn\u00fc ya\u015famay\u0131\u00a0\u00f6\u011frenme\u00a0\u015fans\u0131.<\/p>\n

Bu f\u0131rsat\u0131 de\u011ferlendirmek i\u00e7in iki fark\u0131ndal\u0131k \u015fartt\u0131r:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Yak\u0131nl\u0131k en derin yaralar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 tetikler ve di\u011fer ki\u015fiye odaklanmaktansa yaran\u0131n derinliklerine inmeyi se\u00e7mek bize ba\u011fl\u0131d\u0131r.<\/li>\n
  2. Kar\u015f\u0131 taraf\u0131n de\u011fi\u015fmesi gerekti\u011fine dair beklentimiz, ili\u015fkimizi sabote eden en b\u00fcy\u00fck etkendir.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Elbette s\u00f6ylemek, yapmaktan daha kolayd\u0131r.<\/p>\n

    Almam\u0131z gerekti\u011fine inand\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z \u015feyi almad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda, bunun h\u0131nc\u0131n\u0131 partnerimizden \u00e7\u0131karmak i\u00e7in g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc bir d\u00fcrt\u00fc duyar\u0131z.<\/p>\n

    \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc b\u00fcy\u00fck olas\u0131l\u0131kla onun de\u011fi\u015fmesi gerekti\u011fine inan\u0131yoruzdur.<\/p>\n

    Ve i\u00e7imizdeki yaral\u0131 par\u00e7a i\u00e7in, partnerimizden \u00e7aresizce ihtiya\u00e7 duydu\u011fumuz \u015feyi almad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda, bu bir \u00f6l\u00fcm kal\u0131m meselesi gibidir. T\u0131pk\u0131 \u00e7ocukken oldu\u011fu gibi.<\/p>\n

    Ama bug\u00fcn\u00a0sevgiyi\u00a0s\u00fcrekli k\u0131lmak i\u00e7in \u00f6\u011frenmemiz gereken iki ders vard\u0131r:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Di\u011fer insan\u0131n burada olma amac\u0131 bizi tatmin etmek, \u00e7ocuklu\u011fumuzda mahrum kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z ve bug\u00fcn hala eksikli\u011fini hissetti\u011fimiz \u015feyleri bize vermek de\u011fildir.<\/li>\n
    2. Partnerimizin beklenti ve talepleri alt\u0131nda ezildi\u011fimizi hissediyorsak, dimdik ayakta durmak ve bir s\u0131n\u0131r koymak bizim sorumlulu\u011fumuzdur.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Her iki durumda da i\u00e7sel \u00e7al\u0131\u015fma gereklidir.<\/p>\n

      \u0130stedi\u011fimiz sevgiyi\u00a0alamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda can\u0131m\u0131z yanar.<\/p>\n

      O noktadan, otomatik olarak sald\u0131r\u0131, i\u00e7e kapanma veya su\u00e7lamayla tepki verebilir veya bir davran\u0131\u015f veya madde arac\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131yla rahatlamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fma gayretine girebiliriz.<\/p>\n

      Bu durumlardaki i\u00e7sel \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmam\u0131z, terk edilme yaram\u0131z\u0131n tetiklendi\u011finin fark\u0131na varmak, tepki vermekten ka\u00e7\u0131nmay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenmek, bizi tepki vermeye iten inan\u00e7lar\u0131 belirlemek ve en \u00f6nemlisi devreye soktu\u011fumuz bedensel hisleri, korku ve ac\u0131lar\u0131 hissetmektir.<\/p>\n

      \u0130stedi\u011fimiz sevgiyi\u00a0alamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda tepki vermemek ve \u00f6fke ve hayal k\u0131r\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zla y\u00fczle\u015fmek \u00e7ok zordur.<\/p>\n

      Bu, sevginin partner veya arkada\u015f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n o ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131lamak zorunda oldu\u011fu anlam\u0131na gelmedi\u011fini anlamam\u0131z\u0131 sa\u011flar. Onun kendi yaralar\u0131 ve hassasiyetleri vard\u0131r ve her insan\u0131n bireyselli\u011fine derin bir sayg\u0131 duymak zorunday\u0131zd\u0131r.<\/p>\n

      \u0130\u015fgal edilme yaralar\u0131m\u0131z tetiklendi\u011finde de benzer bir \u00e7al\u0131\u015fma yapar\u0131z. Bu yaray\u0131 tetikleyen unsuru fark ederek ba\u015flar ve i\u015fgali ya da ihlali deneyimledi\u011fimizde ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z korku ve ac\u0131y\u0131 ke\u015ffederiz.<\/p>\n

      Genelde kendi ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n arkas\u0131nda durdu\u011fumuz takdirde reddedilece\u011fimiz ya da cezaland\u0131r\u0131laca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z korkular\u0131m\u0131z s\u0131n\u0131r koyma becerimizi engeller ve bizim o korkular\u0131 hissetmemiz ve onlarla y\u00fczle\u015fmemiz gerekir.<\/p>\n

      Bazen bir insan bizden bir \u015fey bekledi\u011finde ya da bizi yarg\u0131lad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda \u015foka girer ve kendimizi savunma ihtiyac\u0131 bile hissetmeyiz. Belki o anda donup kal\u0131r\u0131z… ve o donma halinin hissedilmesi ve \u00e7ok sevilmesi gerekir.<\/p>\n

      T\u00fcm ili\u015fkilerimiz olmasa da \u00e7o\u011fu ili\u015fki her iki dersi de farkl\u0131 zamanlarda kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131za \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131r.<\/p>\n

      Sevgiyi\u00a0s\u00fcrekli k\u0131lmay\u0131 ba\u015farmak, yaralarla y\u00fczle\u015fmeye ve b\u00fcy\u00fcmemiz ve olgunla\u015fmam\u0131z i\u00e7in varolu\u015fun bize \u00f6\u011fretmek istedi\u011fi dersleri \u00f6\u011frenmeye istekli oldu\u011fumuz anlam\u0131na gelir.<\/p>\n

      Kaynak: Krishnananda ve Amana’dan Sevgiyi \u00d6\u011frenme Gazetesi. 2014\/4.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Yaz\u0131: Krishnananda   Bug\u00fcn ili\u015fkilerinde, Matthew Alexandra’n\u0131n onu hayat\u0131na almad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ya da Matthew’un istedi\u011fi kadar a\u00e7\u0131k ve \u015feffaf olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hissediyordu. Buna kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k Alexandra ele\u015ftirildi\u011fini, yarg\u0131land\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ve farkl\u0131 olmas\u0131n\u0131n beklendi\u011fini hissediyordu. Yaralar\u0131 \u00e7ok farkl\u0131 \u015fekillerde ortaya \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yordu. Matthew\u00a0\u00a0s\u00fcrekli daha yak\u0131n olmak istiyor ve Alexandra’n\u0131n ona verebildikleriyle tatmin olmuyordu. Alexandra Matthew’un kendiRead More →<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":625,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["entry","author-gulerpinarbasi","post-590","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-genel"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/3gozdergisi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/pexels-photo-412295.jpeg?fit=2000%2C1375&ssl=1","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":521,"url":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/?p=521","url_meta":{"origin":590,"position":0},"title":"Enneagram Ki\u015filik Sistemi Nedir?","author":"dergi","date":"15 Ocak 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0 Enneagram; duygu, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce ve eylem se\u00e7imlerine g\u00f6re dokuz farkl\u0131 \u015fablondan olu\u015fan g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc ve dinamik bir ki\u015filik analizi sistemidir. 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Kablonun bir ucunu sadece POZ\u0130T\u0130F'e ba\u011flay\u0131p, NEGAT\u0130F kutbu istemiyorum ba\u011flamayaca\u011f\u0131m dersen sadece POZ\u0130T\u0130F taraf ile Lamba\u2026","rel":"","context":""Genel" i\u00e7inde","block_context":{"text":"Genel","link":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/3gozdergisi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/lamban%C4%B1n-ayd%C4%B1nlanmas%C4%B1.jpg?fit=1012%2C675&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/3gozdergisi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/lamban%C4%B1n-ayd%C4%B1nlanmas%C4%B1.jpg?fit=1012%2C675&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/3gozdergisi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/lamban%C4%B1n-ayd%C4%B1nlanmas%C4%B1.jpg?fit=1012%2C675&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/3gozdergisi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/lamban%C4%B1n-ayd%C4%B1nlanmas%C4%B1.jpg?fit=1012%2C675&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":593,"url":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/?p=593","url_meta":{"origin":590,"position":3},"title":"Su\u00e7lamaktan ve \u015eikayet Etmekten Vazge\u00e7mek.","author":"g\u00fcler p\u0131narba\u015f\u0131","date":"26 Ocak 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Uzun y\u0131llard\u0131r Sedona'daki evimizin camlar\u0131n\u0131 temizlemesi i\u00e7in ayn\u0131 insanla \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yoruz. 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Art\u0131k ona nas\u0131l oldu\u011funu\u2026","rel":"","context":""Genel" i\u00e7inde","block_context":{"text":"Genel","link":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/3gozdergisi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/blame.jpg?fit=1200%2C801&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/3gozdergisi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/blame.jpg?fit=1200%2C801&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/3gozdergisi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/blame.jpg?fit=1200%2C801&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/3gozdergisi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/blame.jpg?fit=1200%2C801&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/3gozdergisi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/blame.jpg?fit=1200%2C801&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1060,"url":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/?p=1060","url_meta":{"origin":590,"position":4},"title":"\u201cBe\u015fer\u201d Yerine \u201c\u0130nsan\u201d Olmay\u0131 Se\u00e7mek","author":"g\u00fcler p\u0131narba\u015f\u0131","date":"11 May\u0131s 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cA\u011fa\u00e7lar ve bitkiler kendileriyle bar\u0131\u015f halindedirler, i\u00e7 s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131 yoktur. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc a\u011fa\u00e7-bitki olarak yarat\u0131lm\u0131\u015flard\u0131r ve ne i\u00e7in buradaysalar tam anlam\u0131yla onu yaparlar. Hayvanlar kendileriyle bar\u0131\u015f halindedirler, i\u00e7 s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131 yoktur. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc her ne \u00fczere yarat\u0131lm\u0131\u015flarsa onu yaparlar ve tam olarak kendileridirler. T\u00fcm bunlar aras\u0131ndan sadece \u2018be\u015fer\u2019 her daim s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131dad\u0131r. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc o, kendini\u2026","rel":"","context":""Say\u0131: 12" i\u00e7inde","block_context":{"text":"Say\u0131: 12","link":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/?cat=552"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1111,"url":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/?p=1111","url_meta":{"origin":590,"position":5},"title":"BEN\u2019e ve Benli\u011fe Dair","author":"g\u00fcler p\u0131narba\u015f\u0131","date":"17 May\u0131s 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cSiz t\u00fcm evreni kaplayan ve kendisini bir ta\u015f, bir ot, bir hayvan, bir insan, bir y\u0131ld\u0131z ya da bir galaksi olarak deneyimlemek i\u00e7in ge\u00e7ici olarak forma b\u00fcr\u00fcnen tek bir bilin\u00e7, Tek Bir Ya\u015fam\u2019s\u0131n\u0131z.\u201d Eckhart Tolle\u2019den; \u00c7o\u011fu insan t\u00fcm ya\u015fam\u0131n\u0131 kendi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerinin s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131 i\u00e7inde hapsolarak ge\u00e7irir. Onlar ge\u00e7mi\u015f taraf\u0131ndan ko\u015fulland\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f dar,\u2026","rel":"","context":""Genel" i\u00e7inde","block_context":{"text":"Genel","link":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8Aoxt-9w","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/590","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=590"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/590\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":627,"href":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/590\/revisions\/627"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/625"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=590"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=590"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/3gozdergisi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=590"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}